Many years ago, I used to talk only in order to impose my ideas or concepts : be the one to be right.
My speeches were short, direct and peremptory. No matter whether it happened during a meeting or by email or in person.
My speech was well ordered and the words were well chosen in order to impact my audience, to be sure that I was not to be « defeated » at all and therefore to force it to join me.
Even if the speech was well prepared in my mind, I’ve usually been leaded by my emotions (anger and fear). Sometimes it helped and sometimes not. Looking at the past, I consider my former behaviour as aggressive… At that time I thought that it was the only way to « win ».
Clear it was that my purpose was to be right and at the same time let believe to allow somehow a kind of discussion. Illusion ! A discussion in the same direction that I suggested. How could it be that my ideas or concept would not gather the opinion of each of the participants ?
I was not guided by the will to be in the relationship with the participants. I was guided by anger and fear. I feared indeed not be listened, to lose the attention of the audience and therefore get the uncomfortable feeling not be respected as a clever and an interesting person…
Nowadays I smile when I remember that time : a kind of young warrior full of energy and unable to master it.
Being in the relationship
Being in the relationship is more appropriate with my current life. In fact it suits my new state of mind : share and exchange my experience without trying to impose it. And changes appeared radically ! Waow ! The relation with the others is miraculously less tense and softer in terms of energy. Therefore the exchange may take place and encourage the encounter between human beings. The participants feel to exist as well.
The key is simply to be myself and welcome my energy.
According to me the following keys help to be in the relationship :
– be centered and pay attention to my breathing,
– enjoy the encounter,
– listen to the others without any judgment or prejudice,
– express my opinion and feelings without any judgment or prejudice,
– listen to my reaction when the others talk,
– take a decision (if needed) afterwards
What about you ? Are you in the relationship ? How do you achieve it ?